Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
