so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
