Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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