Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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