Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
