Yo dont text me then not text me
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
