Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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