i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
