That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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