I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
