Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
