Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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