My girlfriend figured out who you are.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
