i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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