Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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