so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
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Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
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Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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