Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
