Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
