I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Randomize
