My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
