dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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