am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
