Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
