It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
