everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
