Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
