I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
