Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
