Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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