He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
