you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
