Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
