....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
