i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
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at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
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Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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