Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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