so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
