I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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