I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
