we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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