if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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