yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
