Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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