I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
