Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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