It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
God gave him joint rollers for hands
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My breasts were aching with rage.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
