the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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