we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
