Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
