So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
