Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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