Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
