so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
