He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
