you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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