Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
