She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
