He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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