I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
