Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
