you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
