You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
