I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
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