Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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