3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
