So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
