Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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