I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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