I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
