i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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