Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
