But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
