another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
