I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
