Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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