he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
be right there i have to get my cape
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
