I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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